Tolerating the Office When It Feels Like High School

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Letters may be edited.Nosy and NastyI enjoy my work, but sometimes find myself trapped at lunch with colleagues who are nasty gossips or just too plain nosy for me.It’s all very high school and we’re talking people in their 60s here! Maybe I am old school but I draw a strict line between my work and private life.One colleague relishes information about people’s private lives, which she repeats at work — truly nasty stuff.

I try my best to avoid them, but am sometimes trapped in the lunchroom and am asked pointed questions about my work schedule, etc.Any advice on a pat response that is cordial but also conveys, “Hey, this isn’t your concern” and also “gross!”? I am just not a sharer but would like to maintain a cordial work atmosphere.— AnonymousI also feel sometimes as though “real life” is like high school.Sometimes the personal and professional politics of adulthood bear an uncanny resemblance to the years of mid- to late adolescence.

At work, like in secondary school, information is often considered currency, even at the expense of others’ privacy and reputations.And there’s always that one person who asks too many questions — or too many pointed questions — for our own comfort, especially when we have ample evidence that she or he is likely to turn right around and share our answers with others.As for how to navigate this as an adult, you need to practice both acceptance and disengagement.

There will always be some level of intrigue at work — I’ve never been in a workplace without it — but you are under no obligation to actively engage with it.Try to find a good reason to excuse yourself from certain conversations, or work to change the subject.

I don’t know that any version of “this isn’t your concern” or “gross!” — however politely it is delive...