How Can I Get My Boss to Notice Me?

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Letters may be edited.The Male Gaze, AvertedI work in a small office (nine employees) with a tight-knit, friendly culture.I am a 32-year-old woman.

The principal of the firm is a man in his 60s who is generally well intentioned.I know he holds progressive values, and is not an outright misogynist.

But the thorn in my side is that he exclusively addresses (and makes eye contact with) my male colleagues (with whom I am at equal “status,” organizationally) when we are in a group.When we are one-on-one, he can make eye contact with me, but if there is another man in the room, I feel invisible — we will go the entire conversation and he will not look at me once.

This feels particularly egregious when he looks at my male colleagues while responding to a question that I asked.This happens multiple times a day, and it is wearing on my self-confidence.

Should I mention this perhaps subconscious habit to him, or just let it go?— AnonymousYou should definitely not let it go.Especially, as you say, because it’s eroding your self-confidence.

That’s an enormous red flag and one that you’re not going to be able to ignore, or wish away, without addressing it head-on.I think you’re right in assuming that your boss’s tendency to render you invisible is subconscious, but that doesn’t make it OK.

(Multiple times a day!?) Men with the best of intentions and progressive “politics” can also be sexist or behave in sexist ways.A few questions: What, exactly, is your relationship with the principal of your firm? Have you ever had any “hard” conversations with him in the past? How did he react? This could tell you a lot about how he might respond to a more pointed conversation about your personal feelings within the professional setting he has created.Also: How many other women work in your company,...