Antiquated New York Magazine is targeting Olivia Nuzzi and politics could be to blame

My intention is to waterboard myself or volunteer for a two-bedroom in Guantanamo.I have several computers.None are happy.

I am sitting in my kitchen.Eating an apple.

Dog on my lap.Phone rings.

My mouth being apple-logged my housekeeper of 30 years whom I love as much as my dog — and it’s her birthday — answers it.She says into the receiver: “Who? . . .Who’s calling? . . . Who?” Then, “Your name?” Then, “Spell it.” Then, “She expecting your call?”The disgusted caller than hangs up.

Wants not to converse longer with this genius from Guyana.Me: “Who was it?” She: “Something like Nuzzi.”I decided to destroy myself.Even reporters in captivity want to reach New York Magazine’s No.

1 top reporter who got fired for maybe playing potsy with married Robert F-for-frig-him Kennedy Jr.I started to go for a phone — but couldn’t.Why? Because my tiny Yorkie had now consumed my entire apple.

He’d have gotten sicker than my editor when he hears I blew Olivia’s call.I can only tell you right now — no sense hounding her.She’s away.

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Doing her A1 reporting for around years.Been writing since maybe age 20.

Give or take — around 11 years.We talked.Requested and as promised, I’m keeping her counsel for now.

She’s Catholic.Admittedly respectful.

Known longtime relationships.Recognizing the trick is not to sleep with anyone.Because — at worst — it ruins things.

Also not looking to offend.The mantra being it’s the other person’s problem.New York Magazine is a family-owned business.

Attitude is they’ll probably fire her.Known attitude is that this could be a political thing.Like against Robert Kennedy toeing the party line beca...