Venom: The Last Dance review: Moronic alien trilogy finally ends good riddance

Running time: 109 minutes.Rated PG-13 (intense sequences of violence and action, bloody images and strong language).

In theaters Friday.So long, “Venom.”Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.After six years and three wretched films, the unspeakably stupid comic-book movie series about a disturbed San Francisco newspaper columnist who becomes the host of a wise-cracking alien symbiote finally ends with “Venom: The Last Dance.”Channeling Donna Summer’s disco hit, when it’s bad, it’s so, so bad.Box office-wise, the trilogy has proved the crown jewel of what Wikipedia tells me is called “Sony’s Spider-Man Universe,” a Marvel outcast collection that also includes such gloomy garbage as “Madame Web” and “Morbius.”One of life’s great mysteries is that “Venom” has grossed more than $1 billion worldwide.There are people, especially in China, who actually like it.

 What will those masochist ticket-buyers get for their 20 bucks in “The Last Dance?”A migraine, but I digress.They’ll get to see Venom whip up a strawberry margarita at a Mexican bar while “Tequila” plays on the radio.They’ll watch the alien drive to Las Vegas and perform a choreographed dance to “Dancing Queen” by ABBA.Tom Hardy’s Eddie Brock then questions his own movie’s insane logic, saying, “When did you practice this?”They’ll hear the deep-voiced symbiote, who looks like a creepy Power Ranger, reveal his dream of moving to New York City.“I’ve always wanted to see the Statue of Liberty,” says Venom, who hails from the planet Klyntar in the Andromeda Galaxy.

“And a Broadway show!”They’ll learn about Venom’s love of horses.“Aw! Horsey horsey,” the brain-eating alien coos at one.They’ll be astonished that, in this 109-minute film, Juno Temple as Dr.

Teddy Payne — in a performance that borders on CGI — blinks fewer than 10 times.They won’t be able to hold in their mocking laughter when Venom, Eddie and a family of UFO-...