Elton Johns Devil Wears Prada musical is still a haute mess across the pond

Two and a half hours, with one intermission.At the Dominion Theatre in London.LONDON — That’s all? I wish.“The Devil Wears Prada,” Elton John’s horrid musical that crashed and burned two years ago in Chicago, is giving it a second go in London. But you know the old phrase: If at first you don’t succeed… don’t succeed again!The totally new production at the Dominion Theatre, directed by Jerry Mitchell of “Kinky Boots,” is at least an improvement from the train wreck I saw in 2022.

Now it’s more of a fender bender.Still, the clumsy couture of “Prada,” which has wholly misguided Broadway aspirations, should steer clear of New York.Keep your distance, Tiny Dancer.Predictably, we’re served yet another forgettable and derivative score from John, whose awful “Tammy Faye” just flopped at the Palace after 29 performances. Every song here, with lyrics by Shaina Taub and Mark Sonnenblick, is either the blandest club beat you’ve ever heard or a public domain cover of “Gloria” by Laura Branigan.

When not “nntz-nntz”-ing, everybody natters on and on about being “seen.” For instance, there is an insufferably sappy number for Nigel, Stanley Tucci’s fashion editor character hamhandedly played by Matt Henry, called “Seen, Suddenly, Seen.” One of its imbecilic lyrics: “No longer hiding in closets, I curate them now.” Oy vey. His other tune, “Dress Yourself Up,” is the closest John comes to catchy here. The “Billy Elliot” composer’s show remains fashion weak — barely an iota of the fabulous 2006 comedy film starring Meryl Streep.Onstage it’s a musical comedy where you don’t laugh or nod your head.

Maybe you nod off.Vanessa Williams fares OK as ferocious Miranda Priestly, the ice-cold magazine editrix who’s a stand-in for Anna Wintour.And while the actress radiates pure showbiz effervescence, she can’t make Miranda into the gargantuan figure Streep so memorably was.

She’s just a run-of-the-mill bad ...