Love Hurts review: Ke Huy Quan, Ariana DeBoses heinous action-comedy is perfect for a couple looking to break up

Running time: 83 minutes.Rated R (strong/bloody violence and language throughout).

In theaters.The cineplex transforms into a torture chamber during “Love Hurts,” the cruel-and-unusual action-comedy starring Oscar winners Ke Huy Quan and Ariana DeBose.Waves of excruciating pain arrive partly because of the blood-and-guts fights of director Jonathan Eusebio’s exhausting and unpleasant film.One man has a metal straw go through his eyeball.

Another barely introduced character is shot point blank in the head, and we get the privilege of staring through the bullet hole in his brain.Talk about a temple of doom.All of that carnage would be fine if it was funny. But what’s meant to be an upbeat movie that takes place on Valentine’s Day instead goes the route of another infamous Feb.14 massacre from history.

It does not have the sort of fleet-footed battles that get laughs.Winces and yucks, yes, but never laughs. That’s the in-your-face style Eusebio knows best.

He was responsible for the violence in the superior “John Wick” series — and you can see its neon-lit, martial-arts influence here, minus the fun.You can also spot the $80 million budget disparity. The film has only four eyesore suburban locations. That it was shot in Winnipeg as a stand-in for greater Milwaukee says it all. Where “Love” really scars, though, is the writing.

The rough ride aspires to be lumped in with the quirky crime capers of Guy Ritchie and a tiny bit Tarantino.But the witless screenplay, fit for the shredder, fails to grasp that it takes more than silly names like Knuckles and Kippy and a string of brutal kills to fashion an enjoyable underworld comedy.There must be a modicum of logic and a sliver of belief, even in the most outrageous of situations.

Audiences rightly expect a decent plot.“Love Hurts,” however, is an Elmer’s Glue effort slopping together wackiness and idiocy like a popsicle stick and googly eyes.

It’s the perfect date night for a couple l...