Dear Abby: I am 21 years sober my estranged family still treats me like a messy drunk

DEAR ABBY: I am a troubled older man.I was married with three children, but I drank too much.

My wife and I divorced after 20 years of marriage.We were both flawed.

I have been remarried and divorced since.My children grew up, and we had a great relationship.I also had a great relationship with my grandchildren as well.

Then, 10 or 12 years ago, my first wife began talking bad about me, telling stories of when I was younger.Some of them are accurate, but many are embellished.

My oldest daughter joined her mother in the storytelling.Over the past 41 years, I have had 40 years of (nonconsecutive) sobriety.

I am 21 years sober at present.Those stories have grown to monumental proportions, and two of my children and several of my grandchildren no longer want to have contact with me.

They say “a toxic person never changes.” I have always worked, never been arrested, retired from a company, had a lifetime of volunteer activities in my community and am respected by most of my peers.I miss my family.

What can I do? — LONELY IN MISSOURIDEAR LONELY: Your ex-wife has told these tales because she has an ax to grind.Her motives are not pure.

Your oldest daughter probably witnessed some of the outrageous behavior you exhibited when you drank while she was quite young.If those are her memories of you, she has a right to repeat them.

However, it may be time for you to remind all of your grown children that you are no longer the person you were when you were drinking, that you have had 21 years sober and are not “toxic” (a term that is tossed about too frequently these days), and you would like to have a relationship with them.However, if they areunwilling, you will have to form other relationships so you aren’t completely isolated.

Loneliness can be a killer.DEAR ABBY: When my niece walks into a room, she immediately takes over any conversations in progress.Everyone has allowed this to continue, so I assume they are OK with it.

However, I find it extremely ru...