A new baby brings a time of great change and self-care is essential

There’s nothing like a mother’s love —widely considered primal, unconditional, selfless, even automatic.But what’s less understood and often underappreciated are the changes, sacrifices, demands, and commitment expected of new moms.After the excitement of the baby shower and a newborn’s arrival fades, ongoing support, empathy, and self-love are crucial throughout this transition into the journey of nurturing a new life.“The mindset, or moment in time when you can accept that you are this new role — but also accept yourself for the struggles, the flaws, the worries, the disconnect — that’s when you can make those little connections with your baby.

Loving yourself and then giving that over,” said Susan Verde, author of “Mommy Love: A Mindfulness Exercise for Mothers and Babies” (Viking Books for Young Readers, out April 1).A resident of East Hampton, the mom of three was initially afraid of making a mistake after her twin boys came.“I didn’t want to hurt anyone.I had to push past my fear,” she said.However, while expecting her third, “I felt powerful and good, but then my mindset shifted again,” said Verde.

“This time, a lack of control came too, which manifested into an eating disorder.I felt that I had to get rid of myself to be this new person — to continue to focus on the kids.

So, I didn’t nourish myself or practice self-care,” said Verde.With mounting concern from family and friends, “I realized no, this isn’t good.I saw a therapist, who encouraged me to notice the little achievements — the kids’ giggles or little hiccups.

Otherwise, I’d miss it,” said Verde.Paying more attention and talking to herself in a much kinder way “helped me to remain in touch with friends and connections who were part of my life prior to having kids, because you don’t have to give all that up,” said Verde.“Even if you can’t go to a nightclub, you can still put on music and dance around in the kitchen with your baby.

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