This list of best NYC neighborhoods is unbelievably stupid

Those poor apartment hunters. They arrive in New York City only to be shellacked by cruel reality.Our vacancy rate stands at a minuscule 1.4%.And the median rent in Manhattan is an insulting $4,500. Hello, New York! Goodbye, savings!And now, adding to their throbbing migraine is a demented list from a website called Niche: 2025’s Best Neighborhoods to Live in New York City.Trust this guide if you want to ruin your life.Perhaps an overworked intern mixed up the results from “Areas to Definitely Avoid on a Friday Night”?But no, this AI-esque assemblage is real and supposedly “based on crime, public schools, cost of living, job opportunities and local amenities” and not the result of a game of Pin the Tail on the Borough.One borough in particular.

All but five of the 25 spots are in Manhattan.Park Slope, apparently, is a total s–thole.

Astoria, steer clear. Instead, Niche says raise your kids in No.4, Hell’s Kitchen. In that oasis of peace they can enjoy the double-digit stretch of Ninth Avenue gay bars, greasy fast food until 4 a.m.

and an all-night chorus of sloppy drunks.And who doesn’t dream of sharing a nabe with the Port Authority bus terminal?Ludicrous No.3 is nearby, and it’s where Niche really dropped the ball: The Theater District. That’s the 13 jam-packed blocks that are home to Broadway shows such as “Wicked” and “The Lion King.” It’s also the location of Times Square — the most popular tourist destination in the US, with 50 million visitors a year, all of whom gawk transfixed at giant LCD screens as they walk like turtles.It’s the neighborhood that has inspired generations of Midwesterners to say, “New York is fun for a weekend.” Were I to make a list of the best places to smell pot, burning caramel corn and Elmo’s BO before stepping into a viscous puddle of goo on the sidewalk, the Theater District would easily top it.No.

2? Kips Bay. Some out-of-towners are asking, “What’s Kips Bay?” Also, some Ne...