Dear Abby: My daughter overheard me complaining about her

DEAR ABBY: We were recorded on video and audio on our daughter’s porch, thinking we were talking to each other privately.We were discussing how hurt we were that she didn’t want to spend time with us on our 50th wedding anniversary, shortly after she and her husband moved out of state.They could easily have driven to a new RV park close to our house.Her aunt tried to talk with her about seeing family members and being with us, but she refused. We have supported our daughter despite all the mistakes she has made.

She was offended that we had no good thoughts regarding her new life in another state and confronted me about my negativity, which was caught on camera.I have apologized to no avail about my negativity, but I was angry and hurt.My husband believes she has to be the one to forgive and forget.It’s been two years of sending Christmas and birthday cards with no acknowledgement.

What to do? — BUSTED IN GEORGIADEAR BUSTED: I agree with your husband.Remember the adage, “The best defense is a good offense”? (It is also known as the strategic offensive principle of war.)Your daughter knows she was wrong not to come to your anniversary celebration, and she also knows how upset you were about it because she has seen it on her doorbell camera.However, she doesn’t want to admit she was wrong and apologize.

What you should do now is continue sending holiday cards to let her know the ball is in her court, and hope that, with time, she will grow up.DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have known each other for 36 years and been married for 20.He has a severe drinking problem.He still works and doesn’t drink during the workweek, but he makes up for it in spades on weekends.

We both stopped drinking alcohol 15 years ago.I never started again, but he did, and now he can’t stop.He is too proud to seek professional help.

He’s an engineer and thinks he can quit on his own, but he is only fooling himself. My problem is that he retires soon, and I’m afraid he wi...